Dear Me, 5 Years Ago,
I know you’re excited. You’ve just found out you’re pregnant with your first baby, and you’ve wanted to be a mom for quite some time. Growing a life inside you is one of the best miracles this life has to offer, and I hope you cherish every moment of it. When the morning sickness ends, anyways.
You’re so full of dreams for this child, and I know that you’re already planning how you’re going to raise him. It’s good to have a plan, but don’t be smug. And don’t judge those other moms for what they’re doing. Also, remember that sometimes having a plan doesn’t work out. Being a mom means being flexible. Some days as a mother, you’re just trying to survive. That’s ok.
Sometimes, you’ll feel like a bad mom. It all seems so much easier when you’re still pregnant with your first baby.
Sure, you’re still a newlywed, and still learning. Love comes easy right now. And I tell you that because it won’t always come easy. The man you wake up next to every morning, he’s going to disappoint you. He’s going to let you down. Some days, love will feel harder than others. That’s ok, and even normal. Make the choice to love.
When that baby comes, you’ll feel like your heart will explode because of all of the love it holds. That baby will be so precious to you, and you won’t even be able to imagine ever getting mad at that perfect little child. You will, and that’s ok.
You will eventually realize that your plans have gone out the window, beginning with severe postpartum anxiety, through a really difficult potty training period, and right into having a 4 year old with a sassy mouth. You’re going to argue with him about hygiene, bite your tongue to keep from laughing when he says something too grown up, and send him to bed hungry because he refuses to eat his dinner.
It may seem overwhelming, but one thing will get you through it. The love. Choosing to love on the hard days and flowing with love on the easy days. And even though he’s sassy, he’s also so smart. And he’s so kind. And he’s such a sweet boy. And all of the hard days are more than worth it, because your love for him grows every day.
Trust your mama instincts. Love him fiercely, discipline him firmly, hug him tightly, and know that you’re doing your best. Don’t let the mom guilt get you down, because through all the doubt, you’re doing it right. And I’m proud of the mother that you will become.