Parenting with an autoimmune disease can be so hard… not just on the parents, but on the kids as well.
Mommy is sorry about earlier today. I got really tired and had to lay down to rest in the middle of playtime. Sometimes I wake up tired, and other times it hits me out of the blue. I do love just being there when you guys play, even if I’m just laying down watching you.
I know it doesn’t feel like I’m participating, but I promise I am, and I’ll try to play more tomorrow.
Mommy is sorry she got cranky. Sometimes I feel like I’m not in control of my moods, and things just irritate me easier. It’s not you boys, it’s just the autoimmune disease. It messes with my hormones and makes me seem crazy with how easily I go from happy to mad.
I promise I’m not crazy, and I don’t love you any less even though I might not have very much patience right now. I will try to be more fun tomorrow.
Mommy is sorry we’re having chicken nuggets again for dinner. Some days it’s all of the energy I have to get the first 2 meals of the day made, and by the time you want to eat again I haven’t even started to prepare anything. So then I have to default to whatever is the quickest to cook.
I know that you need more than this, and I promise that I’ll get better at preparing meals ahead of time.
Mommy is sorry that she forgot about telling you that we could go to the playground until it was too late. Sometimes, my memory is full of holes and it seems like I’m decades older than I am. I really wanted to take you and watch you boys play, but my mind didn’t remember that I had said that.
I promise to get better about writing things down so that I don’t keep unintentionally breaking promises to you.
Mommy is sorry that we don’t go anywhere fun for days at a time. It often seems like I’m struggling to just keep the house running, and I don’t even know how to add in more activities. I know that sometimes we watch more TV than we should, and I want to get better at that.
Let’s go to the library tomorrow and get some books to read together at home. See? I’m writing it down so I don’t forget. I’m going to get better about this.
Mommy is sorry that sometimes she doesn’t seem like mommy anymore. But even though it seems like I may not be a lot of fun much of the time these days, I’m working so hard at getting better. My love for you fuels my fight against my body, and I am going to come out of this.
All of the sacrifices that I make, the food that I avoid, the supplements I take, and the doctors I see are all for you. So that I can heal, and be there for you both.
You mean the world to me, and I hope that when you look back at your childhood, you remember how hard your mommy tried for you. Even on the days you couldn’t see it, I was trying my best.
This post was originally written in March 2017. It was updated in February 2019.